First….I’m not a top. I’m definitely a bottom. Though there are times that I top as a Priestess. I use BDSM energy to bring about desired transformation in the person that has come to me for this specific reason. Transformation through Sex Magick.

But, as a regular top? It doesn’t interest me at all. ….wait, if I’m co-topping with Dan, that’s just hot. But, I’m still doing it under his direction, so to me, I’m not really topping….because he can direct me to change what I’m doing or stop all together if he wants. I’m not in control.

So back to……as a regular top, it doesn’t interest me at all.

But, there is this idea that if I learn a topping skill, I’d have more opportunities for play. I have had other submissive friends over the years that have done this very thing. They don’t get much play except with their Master who also plays with others, so they’ve learned to top, just to be involved in play. Service topping. But, 100% of the ones that I know have done this, have ended up resentful because they end up topping and getting no play as a bottom.

I have given it some thought though. Service topping. But, it needs to be something ‘I’ enjoy or I run the risk of becoming resentful that I’m not getting the play that I desire.

This has been on my mind for years and I’m sure I’ve written about it before. I’ve not found that ‘thing’ that I would enjoy.

So, imagine the excitement I felt the other day when someone mentioned an idea that totally got my attention. This is it!

What is it? Who the hell knows! I can’t remember!

I asked Dan yesterday when we were reviewing notes on one of our new classes.

“Sir, do you remember me getting all excited the other day about a topping idea? ‘

‘Yes’, he replies with a confused look.

‘Ummmmm, do you remember what it was? or who we were talking to, that mentioned it?’

Pause. Thinking.

‘No.’

‘Me neither.’

And I have no clue who we were talking to recently that mentioned this idea.

We’ve been on a youtube interview, a podcast interview. We’ve interviewed 3 people in the last week for our podcast. We’ve had a patreon chat with our patrons and I’ve run a couple of roundtables.

I’ve looked at all my notes from these chats and interviews. Nothing.

I looked in Dan’s notebook because I remember writing something there. Nothing.

He and I have racked our brains. Nothing.

If it was such a perfect idea, why can’t either one of us remember it? And I absolutely would have written it down. I always doodle notes when I’m chatting with people. Where is the note?

I would think I had just dreamt it if Dan didn’t remember it too.

I clearly remember sitting in the recliner, next to Dan, chatting with someone on zoom and getting all excited at having found the perfect thing that would make me excited about topping. Excited about the service AND what I would get out of it.

Damn memory.