This week Kevin and Katie take over as hosts of the podcast as a reward for being the 100th Patron. They explain the dynamic of their relationship and reveal that they call it “Authority Transfer” and use the roles leader/follower rather than Master/slave and other similar terms. They go further on to highlight they diligently pursue and attend to health and wellness as part of their responsibility to each other as well as to maintain longevity to be together for longer. Plus we learn a little more about Kevin such as his preferences of getting blown in ladders and under the desk, and how sometimes that might lead to disastrous situations as well as that his laugh sounds just like Santa Clause when he is aroused. Listen to this episode where Dan and Dawn “Transfer Authority” over to Kevin and Katie.
#eroticawakening #intimacy #safesex #sextips #sexpodcast #podcast #podcasts #podcastepisode #relationshipadvice #sensual #sensuality #sexuality #relationshippodcast #couplestherapy #couples #fetlife #fetish #sexualfreedom #polyamory #domination #submission #bdsm #authoritytransfer #fitness #sexualhealth
Transcript
Kevin 00:08
This week on Erotic Awakening: wellness in an authority transfer. Welcome to Erotic Awakening, an exploration of all things erotic. If you’re offended by adult topics or prohibited by law, we recommend you stop listening right now. The Erotic Awakening podcast is grateful to the sport of our Patrons. They receive ad free early access to podcast, as well as other perks. Thank you to our newest supporter, me!
Katie 00:43
And me!
Kevin 00:46
Hi, this is Kevin.
Katie 00:47
This is Katie.
Kevin 00:48
We, uh, we’re friends of Dan and Dawn and we are the 100th Patreon supporter. And so Dan put these on us and said, “you’re the guest host for this week.”
Katie 01:01
You guys missed an opportunity.
Kevin 01:05
So, um, we’re in an authority transfer relationship. We prefer that term instead of a power exchange or M/s, or some of those things. Um, we’ve got a lot of rationale for, for choosing authority transferred, um, primarily we believe that Katie hands me authority rather than me taking or wielding power over her, she remains a powerful individual and has simply given me the authority in her life.
Katie 01:39
Yes. And we will also be using the terminology of leader and follower so it will encompass any version of that dynamic, whether it be master, slaves, dominance, misses, pet handler, all those things. We just say leader-follower as a designated role. So that’s just a bit of terminology. Let’s get out of the way.
Kevin 01:56
King and peon.
Katie 01:59
Peon? That’s a different fetish.
Kevin 02:03
So our topic.
Katie 02:05
Okay. We believe that wellness is a personal responsibility, of course. Do it for yourselves. But in our authority transfer relationship, we also believe that it applies to our agreement to each other. Part of our responsibility to each other is to, um, diligently pursue and attend to health and wellness. And we wanted to just address that in what it actually breaks down and looks like in our daily life.
Kevin 02:34
And that’s not, that’s not a requirement that we be, like vigorous athletes or…
Katie 02:40
No, neither of us are CrossFit people or things like that.
Kevin 02:45
No, it it’s, um, I think the goal is to remain functional and able and, um, healthy for as long as we can.
Katie 02:59
Especially like whatever is within our power and control. Life sideswipes you and we’ve had times of illness or, um, and some people have chronic illness and doing…
Kevin 03:10
There’s disabilities, there’s accidents. There’s things that you just can’t dodge.
Katie 03:14
But doing the best you can in whatever, whatever life has handed you and, um,
Kevin 03:21
And, and maximizing like you say what what’s in your control.
Katie 03:24
Yes. So that’s what mostly what we’re going to tend to cause we’re actually really, really, um, passionate about that. It is something we talk about on a daily basis. We set goals daily, weekly. And long-term goals for our wellness and attending. And we also tweak and adjust that as life hands us circumstances, or, um, things that modify that. So what about if, um, you talk about as a leader, why you think that’s a responsibility into the dynamic and what that looks like?
Kevin 03:59
It’s I guess I feel like I have a responsibility to be as healthy as possible for my own sake obviously, like you say, personal responsibility. But also that I owe you my health, that in, in our agreements to one another, I am supposed to be able to guide and support and lead and, and protect. And if I’m not at my best, if I am disabled through my own choices, that’s an, that’s an unfortunate place to have put myself if I can’t, I don’t know if I can’t walk the beach holding your hand. If I can’t, if I can’t go throw a Frisbee with you, if I can’t help you up, if you’ve tripped and fallen. Cause I’m, I’m too frail myself, that, that doesn’t sit well with me. I feel like I really need to, um, be as fit as I’m able within my, my abilities.
Katie 05:07
Yeah. And I want to say just one more time and we’re not going to repeat this, that we’re talking about as fit as possible. Like some people can’t walk a beach and can’t help someone off the ground, but they still can maybe look at their situation as a leader and say, what can I do is be as well as I can with what conditions, you know, or diseases or whatever I have.
Kevin 05:28
Yeah. Maintaining health is sometimes eating right. And doing chair yoga, not going out and jogging. Absolutely. Um, the other thing that, I need to be able to support you in your fitness goals and health goals. And that means that I’m either bossing you from a distance, um,
Katie 05:54
Do as I say not as I do kind of thing?
Kevin 05:56
Right, right. And feeling like a hypocrite or I’m engaging in that, that behavior. I’m, I’m doing my best too, even if it’s a different best, even if I can jog that mile and you cannot, I then have from ground to stand on to request that you do your best. Um, I think this is myth, but there’s, there’s a story about Gandhi that says this woman brought her child, uh, you know, walked, walked and walked and walked days and days or miles and miles. I don’t, I don’t remember the story
Katie 06:33
Could be both the same they actually often equal each other, yes.
Kevin 06:37
And, uh, and brought this child to Gandhi and said, Gandhi, he, he will listen to you because, because he respects you tell him not to eat any sugar anymore cause it’s not good for him. And Gandhi said, bring him back in six months. And the woman was like, doh! And walked a thousand miles home
Katie 06:59
She turned into Homer Simpson right in front of Gandhi, “Doh!”
Kevin 07:03
And then, you know, six months later, like, you know, the day timer went off or whatever and she comes hiking all the way back and, and say, you know, for fuck’s sake, man, can you tell him not to eat
Katie 07:15
Oh my goodness, this is the worst Gandhi visit ever.
Kevin 07:20
Can you tell him not to eat sugar and Gandhi says. Kid, quit eat and sugar. And she’s like, why couldn’t you do that six months ago? And Gandhi says, because six months ago I was eating sugar. So that could be totally made up, not by me, but by whoever wanted to inspire you not to eat sugar. All of that goes to say, um, I really feel like I must be
Katie 07:46
Congruent.
Kevin 07:47
Congruent. Wow. What a great word to just pull right out like that. So how about you?
Katie 07:54
How about me? Um, oh, and I wanted to add to your part and you can add to my part. Okay? Um, so let’s say you were a diabetic leader and you didn’t like taking the meds and you didn’t like the, um, dietary restrictions and things like that. To me that really highlights the effect it would have on a follower to not do what you need to do, um, because of instant gratification, whether it be food or, or, um, treats or, or not moving or things like that because, uh, I think that’s an interesting example of that because, um, diabetes does horrible things in rapid motion to people that will really affect who’s there as their support and whether it’s amputations or diabetic comas or all those things and all that suffering that you’re not only making that choice for yourself, but you’re also as the leader, having your followers suffer through watching you do those things or make those choices and perhaps have to do extensive care of you when it was within your control to navigate that.
Kevin 09:21
Yeah. It’s, it’s not very fair to, to forego the discipline, pursue the hedonism and not maximize your, your, your self care. Um, say saying, Aw, you know, sure the doctor says that, but I sure do love donuts is not flagrant disregard for your own health, but also really discourteous at, I don’t know, I’m terrible to your follower. Wow that sounds super judgy. Rawr.
Katie 09:59
Sorry, we forgot to say we tend to be really blunt and straightforward. He usually open classes like that.
Kevin 10:07
One of our standard disclaimers is we’re pretty blunt and this topic may be offensive.
Katie 10:13
We don’t coat it in feathers. Um, the other part, I think, is the kinky fun, sexy times is a part of why health and wellness is so important to us. And.
Kevin 10:28
Yeah, I want a fold you up like a pretzel if I can.
Katie 10:31
Yeah. But then you always want to have the power to do that and, and wrap around me. Like it’s not just me that’s got to be the pretzel. So, um, having a really active, sexy, fun times, you know, of duration and throughout the day and night is also tied into being, being well and being, being healthy.
Kevin 10:56
You know and I guess an interesting extension of that is not, not just the physicality of wellness, but the attractiveness of wellness, whether it’s clear skin or, or, you know, the, the ability to
Katie 11:17
Be bright and energetic and vibrant, and the things that good, good eating and good living does.
Kevin 11:27
It’s interesting. Sorry, go ahead.
Katie 11:29
No, I’m, I’m interviewing you, this is fun. So what is your favorite things about your follower? Um, okay, so from the follower’s standpoint, um, how is wellness a responsibility to Kevin, to my leader. Um, and I guess a lot of it just reflects and flips back as far, um, I want to, I want to be able to serve you with grace and ease instead of grunting and groaning and struggling my way through the day and gasping between tasks and, and trying to figure out how I can navigate the things that I want to do for you in service of you and actually manage them. And there has been times that I have been extremely unwell and that has been, what can I do for Kevin today that’s within my ability and it’s going to be hard and how can I still do it with grace? Because it’s really important to my heart and soul that I serve you. And I’ve had those times when I’ve been extremely ill or recovering from surgery and things, and still looked for those spaces and they still exist. But when I have the choice, as of right now of, um, being, doing things like yoga or walking or eating clean, or, um, losing a couple of pounds and thinking of how that reflects in a, um, in the grace of serving you, it really, it gives it an extra weight. I want to do it for myself because I want a great life and I want to get ring every moment I can out of this life. So I want to do it for myself, but I also want this great life with you. So I want to see you doing it for yourself and I want to, um, and I want to have each day be, um, with the ultimate service of you. So. I also really like, I really like sex. I know that’s not news to you, but there’s other people listening. I really like sex. And I like the fact that our day is entwined with random, sexy encounters. Although not full-blown sex every single time that are in strange places, in strange positions in strange circumstances. And if I can keep myself flexible and decently healthy and the right nutrition and me, I’m ready for that stuff. And, and I can embrace those opportunities with you and fully enjoy them. And I can do reverse cowgirl in Crow pose, and we can figure things out like how to get me untwined from that situation.
Kevin 14:23
I can plow you in plow pose. What is that? Halasana?
Katie 14:26
Oh my goodness. Look at you go.
Kevin 14:27
Yeah.
Katie 14:28
Um, so. That is essential to me. And I want you to look at me and, and see someone that is attractive to you. I want to, I want to feel how my body feels when you touch me instead of thinking how does my body feel to you when you touch me? So that’s a really different space in my head and I’ve known the D let me, maybe I didn’t say that right,
Kevin 14:59
No, that’s fascinating.
Katie 14:59
But when you put your hands on me, am I thinking how I feel in your hands or my thinking, how your hands feel on me? And that’s one of my measures of whether I’m at a, at a good weight at a good level of fitness for my mind. And so, and, and when I realized that, I think that came to me probably about six months ago when I thought, oh, Katie, you’re putting on some weight because you’re starting to notice how you think you feel to Kevin instead of how Kevin feels to you. Um, and, and I think I’m going to carry that because I think that’s a really interesting, um, kind of,
Kevin 15:37
That’s fascinating, and you touched on something that I don’t think I said well or all the way. I value this life with you and so one of my primary reasons for fitness is longevity and shirt, you know. I am likely as I age to have less and less mobility or whatever, that’s, that’s part of the aging process, but I want as extensive a life in as good a shape as I can.
I don’t, I don’t just want a long life with disability, but I also don’t want great deal of fitness and be done in in six months, right? I want to have to the extent possible and in my control, I want to extend my time with you through good eating and caretaking.
Katie 16:30
And as, uh, as my leader, when I see you like taking, let me back up. Doing this is not necessarily easy.
Kevin 16:42
No, it sucks a lot.
Katie 16:44
And it’s, it does take some time.
Kevin 16:46
Mind over mattress.
Katie 16:48
Yes. To get up and do the gym, that’s right. And to, um, make the right food choices or the right health choices takes, takes determination and effort. And when I see you doing those things and attending to those things, my respect and trust in you as my leader grows and is really supported it. If I saw you not, not giving a shit about the way what you ate or what you did, or whether you got off the couch all day and stuff like that, I would have a hard time being vulnerable and having a high level of respect for you if that was in your ability to make a difference with. And, um, so you,
Kevin 17:39
You should, you should stop talking soon because you’re going to negatively impact my gaming time.
Katie 17:45
Oh, sorry about that Imperium game, Dan. Um, No. I mean, and then, and this is, we don’t spend the whole day in the gym and, and every single meal eating quinoa and broccoli either. Part of the joy of life is kicking back and playing a game with a friend or having a bowl of ice cream or whatever that might be there’s.
Kevin 18:10
There’s naps. There’s laziness. There’s, there’s all kinds of,
Katie 18:14
I don’t want us to sound like we’re boring and stuff.
Kevin 18:17
Or gym rats. That certainly isn’t the case.
Katie 18:19
No, no. And, um, when we talk about living that long full life, part of it is having that amazing meal that is outside the scope of what you would usually do and, and things like that. But I just wanted you to know that that for me that really supports the level of respect and ability to follow you when I see you attending to those things.
Kevin 18:45
Yeah. Um, part, part of the joy of leadership to me is not just getting to make all the decisions and be responsible for them. It’s having your all awe, and, aw, having your awe and, and adoration. And if I’m a slacker, there’s a chance that I lose a lot of admiration and, and awe. Is there more to it than that?
Katie 19:15
I think we should talk about what it actually looks like for us just briefly, because we, people often say we, we talk about these umbrella concepts and never say, what, how do you, how do you break that down? How do you actually do that? So maybe we could just really briefly talk about how we attend to that in our life.
Kevin 19:34
Okay. I. I currently am doing intermittent fasting, which means I eat only between the hours of noon and 6:00 PM. I am fairly cautious about carbs and less like I’ve got friends visiting and we’re doing, um, I don’t know,
Katie 19:57
Pizza! Pizza tonight. Homemade pizza.
Kevin 20:02
I, um, my current program involves 30 minutes of yoga a day. I use a neti pot and I take a cold shower in the morning. Um, I do 10 minutes of meditation and. Typically try to fit in some sort of at at least a half-hour walk or some sort of exercisy thing, which is often like a functional fitness, like go outside,
Katie 20:35
Mow the lawn, oh my goodness, our yard, because we don’t have a postage stamp yard.
We have like an acre on a hill. So that’s an exercise day.
Kevin 20:44
So whether it’s dragging branches or gardening or whatever.
Katie 20:50
Yeah. We actually love that term of functional fitness where we can actually make a difference in our household, our yard, our life, and also do something that’s like. Cardio and put some miles on us and stuff. And at the end you have like, you’ve got doubled down on something and it gets like I’ve succeeded in complicating this and I’ve taken care of exercise. I love that.
Kevin 21:12
Which is why I always try to get you to blow me while I’m up a ladder. Because I can accomplish like changing a light bulb and have sex.
Katie 21:20
We’ve done so many times in our renovations. Kevin is like, “Look at this position, Katie, look at this height.”
Kevin 21:27
You end up like painting baseboards that I’m like, are you flirting with me?
Katie 21:32
Everything’s flirting. Everything’s a flirting. Um, and for me, um, I do about 30 minutes of yoga most days I, uh, add some dynamic stretching throughout my day to try to keep my muscles loose. Along with Kevin, I do the, whether it’s functional fitness I try to get a walk in. I’m starting to realize that I’m going to back up again. Um, we’ve been doing a huge renovation job. We’ve been, we flipped a house and we did almost all the renovations ourselves. So there was so much of that functional fitness going on and now that’s done. And so I just, yesterday said, oh my goodness I’m missing my cardio because we’re walking and I’m no longer just walking to try to get loosened up after a day of renovations. So I need to add cardio. So I’m going to do like an intermittent walk jog. I do not eat the same as Kevin, um, even on a regular basis right now, I’m trying to, I’m trying to, I’m not gonna say that cause Yoda would be like all over me.
Kevin 22:38
Wait just wanna to picture Yoda all over you for a minute.
Katie 22:44
I could like spin him around and help him. Um, what was I saying? Oh, my eating plan yeah. I’m stripping off a few pounds really, really fast before I’m doing, um, some extensive blood tests cause I have a, a little bit of a health issue right now. And so I am actually doing, uh, uh, semi fast of lower calories, but extreme nutrition. And it’s a very specific eating each day, but it’s easy enough for me to support Kevin and his, his meal plan while I do that, because mine is like protein shakes and vitamins and beets, powders, and greens powders, and very specific, but that’s not my usual thing. My usual thing be kind of like a Mediterranean diet is where I would usually be doing. And, um, other than that, like I don’t do the neti pot ’cause I feel like I’m going to drown from that scares me.
Kevin 23:40
You don’t do cold showers because you think crazy talk.
Katie 23:42
Cause it’s well, no, I do hear all the benefits of a cold shower. You guys can research that if you want, but, um, I just, I think life is supposed to be enjoyed to a certain extent.
Kevin 23:57
You hedonisted your warm shower.
Katie 24:00
I’m a hedonist in my shower. Um, and we actually have a daily blog we write in that we say of seven categories. I think let’s go through them really quick. Health, wellness, nutrition, hydration, sleep, personal category of some sort, which mine right now is studying for my, um, uh, elderly fitness coach class I’m doing and then satisfaction date. And at the end of the day we blog on those things and talk. And each day as a habit we get in there, we’ve been doing this for two years now, get, go on the blog as a shared document. And I say, how do I think I did in nutrition? And then I might even write a few notes so I can look back at that. And, um, every two weeks we say, what’s our goals for the next two weeks.
We put that at the front of that blog. And then off we go again and rate each thing. So it makes us really conscious as the end of the day. We’re like, oh my goodness. We’re almost at the end of the day
Kevin 25:01
Totally neglected that thing.
Katie 25:02
Didn’t meditate or whatever that thing is, and I’m going to get a zero in meditation.
And at first we thought it was going to be a two week thing, but now it’s two years, I think it’s here forever. And that really helps me be conscious of, and sometimes I say, you know what, it’s a zero day. I’m going to go out and have pizza and frozen custard. And that’s a choice I make. But I also notice how often I do it. And so that’s something we’ve done together for a long. And it, this isn’t a very kinky conversation, but it really is about the relationship. And after 19 years together, being this conscious and responsible about this aspect of our life, as well as, you know, all the other pieces of the dynamic is so essential to our longevity together in many ways.
Kevin 25:49
So I think that pretty well reaches the end of what we would want to say about that. Essentially I think we’re saying that wellness in an authority transfer relationship is about taking good care of you for you, but that the, the agreements and the, the intertwined nature of authority transfer means that there’s additional motivation and there’s additional reason to put that effort in to be your best, not just for yourself and your future, but for the, the, the benefit of your partner and the relationship as a whole. And, and in many ways, that’s what I think this relationship is about is attending to. The the needs and wants and an intertwined success kind of, rather than selfish pursuit of your own independent life, or independent goals. Uh, I think, I think supportive wellness like this, um, is a good example of one of the strengths of an authority transfer relationship. Did you have a concluding thought?
Katie 27:19
No, just sex equals lots of sex.
Kevin 27:26
Sorry, everyone close your eyes. We’re about to get started right this minute.
Katie 27:30
It’s audible.
Kevin 27:30
So, um, if you love Dan and Dawn and you went to keep up all with all their events, book news discounts and more, uh, you can sign up for the Erotic Awakening newsletter and get your Erotic Awakening shout out.
Katie 27:49
Yes. I just want to add, we were hundredth and we got to be guest hosts, a hundred Patreon, we got to be guest hosts. So now the thousandth one is waiting there. It’s just waiting. And Dan and Dawn just promised us just this minute that if they get 10 Patrons this week, they’ll bring us back again.
Kevin 28:15
Great.
Katie 28:16
I might’ve made that up.
Kevin 28:17
So head over to Erotic Awakening dot com and subscribe today. And you said you had something you wanted to share?
Katie 28:26
Yeah. I think this is where Dan and Dawn talk about like chopping off tentacles and eating off boobs or something really kinky and fetishy like that. I don’t know it was like. I never listened to their show. I do. Um, so this is where we’re supposed to share something like naughty. And I thought maybe I would share a lesson.
Kevin 28:47
I think random, not naughty.
Katie 28:49
Can I make it a random naughty thing?
Kevin 28:52
Sure.
Katie 28:52
Okay. Random and naughty. How about the lesson I learned within about a month of being in an authority transfer relationship with you and living with you?
Kevin 29:05
Is this the one where fantasy and reality collide?
Katie 29:08
Reality hits you hard, bro. Um, that’s a callback to a Songify, um, so Kevin shared has, this is me restarting a sentence six times and this time it’ll be right. When we first got together, I’m trying to figure out how to be the best follower of Kevin and the sexiest follower and realize all his fantasies and kinky fetishes, et cetera. And so I’m really paying attention to anything he suggests might be in our future. And one of the things he said is “I love the idea of getting a blow job under the desk.” And I thought, how do we both fit in there and I blow you at the same time? I don’t get it. Not a very big desk. No. So you’re sitting at the debt. You say I’m going to be sitting at the desk, doing whatever I’m doing, probably playing a video game with Dan and you give me a blow job, be under the desk, give me a blow job. And you remember this, you’re looking at me like what? And so I took that in, just took notes of that and put it in the back of my head. And then he went out of the room one day or of our office, and I thought I’m going to just tuck myself under this desk. And when he sits back down, cause he’s coming back to his computer, I know when I, when he sits back down, I’m going to be right here, ready to give him his blowjob, just all curled up under his desk. And this will be so sexy and hot for him and I’ll realize one of his fantasies right now.
Kevin 30:39
So I come into the room. I sit at my desk
Katie 30:43
And he doesn’t see me. He doesn’t noticed me down there.
Kevin 30:47
I scoot myself in and get ready to get back to work.
Katie 30:50
And so I’m down there and I realized, I thought he would walk into the room, see me under the desk, go, ho ho ho!
Kevin 30:57
Cause I always sound like Santa Claus when I’m aroused.
Katie 31:03
And then he would skid himself under and we would have a great time, but here I am sitting under the desk realizing he’s all tucked in and I’m in that little cubby hole and he has no idea I’m there.
Kevin 31:15
So if know if you ever want to be attacked by a crazed clown under your desk, or shit yourself and do a back flip out of your office chair, I recommend this technique.
Katie 31:26
Yes, well, I thought, what am I going to do? How do I let them know I’m here and not scare him? And so I just peaked my little face up between his knees and went, hello.
Kevin 31:37
And that was pretty terrifying.
Katie 31:39
He almost punched me in the head. He, he jumped up, started swinging his fist, his chair went flying backwards and I’m like, oh, whoa, whoa, this is supposed to be sexy.
Kevin 31:52
That was so sexy. Terrible.
Katie 31:55
There you go. There’s all your little helpful hint for the future. Did you have one?
Kevin 32:01
Nothing compares? No.
Katie 32:03
I know. I thought you had something. It was going to be such a surprise.
Kevin 32:09
Well, I was the, the thing I considered saying is that, um, Dan and Dawn are here, visiting with their RV and I’m now scheduled to go outside and help him empty his black tank later today. And so this is going to be the closest I’ve ever been to their, their,
Katie 32:29
Their feces? This is a different level of friendship.
Kevin 32:33
Scheduled today, I manage their feces.
Katie 32:37
There is a FetLife group for this.
Kevin 32:39
Okay.
Katie 32:41
Okay. So, um, so if you’re real friends with somebody they’ll empty your black tank.
Kevin 32:50
You know, that reminds me of when we had the plumber in, in the crawl space of that rental house. And he and I were crawling around and trying to, trying to figure out what jobs need done. And he said, oh, I can stick my finger right in your sewer pipe. And KG says, “Hey, is he in there flirting with you?”
Katie 33:12
But that was bad news.
Kevin 33:13
That was actually bad new, we had to have the whole sewer pipe replaced. So, uh, take a moment to support the podcast, rate them on Apple Podcasts, Google play, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever else you listen, or just tell your friends and feel free to reach out to us.
We love the interactions on Instagram and Discord and contact us with questions or podcast comments, or just to say, hi, that’s dananddawn@eroticawakening.com. This is Kevin saying goodbye.
Katie 33:50
Bye-bye guys.
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