In the power exchange world of today, I often see a stance that is so anti ‘one twue way’ (that is, no one can say that the only path to being a good leader in a power exchange relationship is you have to do A and B or you are a poser) that it implies their is not bad way to lead. And that infers that anyone can be a leaders, regardless of skill. Or lack thereof.

I have to admit, I disagree.

Or, to be more blunt. Some people are not good leaders. They don’t have the skill set, they don’t care to learn the skills, and they are actually doing harm by thinking they have skills they don’t have. 

Am I being to harsh?

Maybe. But then this question comes across my feed – “Should my dom be negotating CNC during sex?” – and I feel like I am not being hard enough. 

But it isn’t just the blantant and obvious red flag behavior. It is that being a leader tasks certain skills. And apporiate confidence. 

It wasn’t me trying to be arrogant or just mean when I added a chapter in Hearts and Collars about how to be a good (or poor or great) leaders. It was because without skills in communciation, protocal, dealing with the stress of life, sexual challenges, and more, a long term healthy power exchange relationship isn’t just going to happen.